The Man, The Myth, The Hair: Joakim Noah

I have committed a terrible, almost unforgivable foul against a human being. A human being that Don Imus would refer to as a "Nappy Headed Hoe". A human being that sucked air while riding the pine during the 2007 national championship game. A human being that I ripped apart in a Facebook group, and even used Stephen A. Smith as a reference in doing so. A human being that was drafted “to score” for a team that lacked low post scoring. A human being that throws a slider at the rim beyond five feet.
This human being is Joakim Noah and this is my Official Apology.

Dear Joakim Noah,
Its been a rough relationship between you and I. After watching you get beat up by Greg Oden in the national championship game in 2007, I wondered where the hype came from. I wondered why you were celebrating so much after playing only 21 minutes, with 8 points, 3 rebounds, and 4 personal fouls. You acted like a man possessed while the confetti fell on you and your teammates. You jumped on tables while performing the gator chomp and did interviews while screaming “how ‘bout them GATOR BOYZ”. You were brutally annoying and supercilious.
Then the 2007 draft rolled around, and my beloved Chicago Bulls had the 9th selection. Going into the draft, Bulls fans knew that we needed post scoring. We hadn’t seen a dominating post scorer since Horace Grant. “And with the ninth pick, the Chicago Bulls select Joakim Noah”. OH NO! I couldn’t help it. I fell victim to the “what have you done for me lately” epidemic. I wanted Thaddeus Young, Al Thornton, Jared Dudley, anyone that scored in the post. Hell I would have taken Glen “Big Baby” Davis (at the time, nobody knew he would have had the career he’s had). I was in shock that we drafted not only you, but Aaron Gray, and JamesOn Curry. Another draft lost in translation.
Your first season was dismal (not sure what to blame: your lack of hustle or Scott Skiles). You averaged 6 points and 5 rebounds, not the best statistics for a guy that was supposed to be a low scoring threat right away. After going 33 and 49 and finishing 26 games out of first place, I couldn’t help but blame you. You didn’t take the NBA seriously, nor your job, and that was the most disappointing. Where was that guy running around like a maniac in college? Where was the passion to play the game and play it right?

The 2008-2009 season started off similar. I was questioning your playing time and if you were becoming a cancer for our young star in Derrick Rose. Then something magical happened, Paxson traded away some big contracts for former All Star Brad Miller and John Salmons. Suddenly you started playing like a man possessed again. You had a fire, a swag, a damn attitude; one that demanded respect from fans and players alike.

The Bulls clinched the seventh seed in the playoffs, having to play the Celtics. You and your teammates made the Bulls relevant again. You fought, and screamed, and chest bumped your way through seven overtimes in seven games. As if that wasn't enough, you wanted to add a little more to the best first round playoff series ever. With 40 seconds left in the third overtime of game 6, and the score tied at 123, you somehow stole the ball from Paul Pierce. That was enough in itself, but no Joakim you wanted more; you wanted to clinch this game yourself. You proceeded to dribble while in full stride, and delievered one of the greatest dunks I have ever seen. You posterized Paul Pierce and sent the overly annoying Kevin Garnett running to the locker room for the 700th time. I had never been more happy to see that nest on your head bounce up and down while you slapped the hand of every non basketball fan that didn't know what just happened because they were staring at their blackberries the whole game. You gave me hope Joakim. Hope that one day I can say I was wrong about you. That you are not a "nappy headed hoe", nor a “bench grabbing, air guzzler”.

Well that one day is now. You are leading the league in rebounding with 12.4 a game, and are scoring at will (at least under your standards) with 12.1 points per game. You have 10 double digit rebounding efforts in 11 games, and even did so against a Lakers team that saw the return of Pau Gasol. Averaging a double/double seemed out of reach, in fact just two seasons ago it seemed damn near impossible. You are playing like a jacked up, super steroid version of Bill Cartwright, and with this progression hopefully you can soon be a better scoring Dennis Rodman: a defensive machine with crazy hair, hustling for lose balls as if they were Cheetos after a late night in "The Swamp".

You are truly the Bulls future center, and I wouldn’t have anybody else. I am giddy about you, I adore that people despise you, but would love to have you. You are electric, stunning, diverse, and at times arrogant to a T. But I came to realize, I love that about you.

So to you Joakim, my sincere apologies for every bad-mannered and appalling thing I have ever said or written about you. I wasn’t entirely at fault, but I will take the blunt of the blame. You are a different man now, more mature and zealous. And because of that I can say, Joakim Noah I’m sorry!

Sincerely,
Jerry Scherwin