While walking home from Kinnick Stadium, I had a bittersweet feeling. The sweet coming from the fact that Iowa all but closed the door on a BCS at large bid to the Fiesta Bowl (Yes, I'm already planning on a Pitt loss). The bitter feeling coming from the thought that I could have had a rose in my mouth instead of Tostito's.
From the Game: Vandenberg played like a Freshmen, but did enough to get the win. He managed the game, didn't force to much, and came up with a couple first down's in crucial situations. He had some help from fellow freshmen Brandon Wegher. Right on cue with the student section chanting "Weg-her Bombs, Weg-her Bombs" the 5'11 tailback leaped over the line, giving Iowa a 9-0 lead going into half. That was all the offense the Hawkeyes had besides a couple of field goals from Daniel Murray, which was enough because of ol' faithful, the Iowa defense. Once again, the Iowa D played flawlessly creating quick panic for Minnesota quarterback Adam Weber (who had a season quarterback rating of 119.56). The Golden Gophers were 4-20 on 3rd down attempts, and turned the ball over 3 times, in part to great coverage from the Iowa secondary as well as solid pressure from the front four and linebackers. A.J. Edds and Pat Angerer played exceptionally in their last game at THE HISTORICAL KINNICK STADIUM. Although it was an ugly win, it was still a win. This is the 4th time in the Ferentz era that he's led the Hawkeyes to a 10 win season. The pig stays in Iowa City, the Hawks are 10-2, and the Iowa faithful will watch and wait.
Full Disclosure: A Disclaimer for all Potential Readers
So today marks the dawning of a new age: The Age of Aquarius . An age of (dis)enlightenment and (lack of) knowledge. Today marks birth of a new entity: The Manchise. Another place for you to kill time instead of doing homework, finishing up things around the house or knocking out that last bit of work at the office. Today is a great day for the world, but before you commit to killing any of that time and reading anything on this site, we thought it best to provide full disclosure; a little detail as to who we are and what this is.
Simply put, The Manchise, as the title would indicate, is all that is man, rolled into our nice little franchise (no really, there’s a franchise, I swear). It’s our thoughts, our opinions, our way. So why do you care? You probably don’t. But as a wise fantasy guru I listen to once said, we don’t really care if you read, you already wasted your time by stopping in (by that I mean, thanks for dropping by, be sure to come back again soon). If, by the grace of God, you find a few things interesting or amusing, stick around. If you are really ambitious, feel free to drop us a line and let us know what you hate about us and why we are so horrible at life. If not, thanks for your view, tell your friends, follow us on Twitter, go watch Lou Holtz get on his knees for Tim Tebow, we don’t really care.
So first things first, who are we? Well, we are a couple of college-age (ish) guys with a love for sports (among other things) and way too much time on their hands (obviously). Jonah is an Iowa boy who just graduated college and is contemplating suicide now that he’s in the “real-world”. A die hard Cardinals fan, with an infatuation with TOP Gun. Jerry hails from the Chicago suburb of Plainfield and is still attending the University of Iowa. A die hard Sox fan himself, we share a passion for more than sports, we hate that cubbie blue. Those two short sentences go a long way in hinting at the views and opinions you can expect from The Manchise going forward. With that in mind, we dig deep into the full disclosure of what you can expect in the future. Listed below are 25 things you have to know before reading anything else on this site.
1. We are in no way, shape or form experts on any subject matter, nor do we pretend to be. If you have taken the time to find this place, you probably know more about what we are talking about than we do.
2. Because we know so little about anything, we do not contend that anything we say or do here is factually correct. In fact, it is more likely that it is factually incorrect.
3. Some (or most) of what you see here may, in fact, be molded after other places we have seen or things we have heard (though we will never actually copy anything). We will do our best to throw up links, photos and videos of the stuff we like and let you know where we get things from, but as aforementioned, we are not experts at anything (especially blogging or copyright law) so we will probably miss a few (ton) of things.
Now, let’s get to the good stuff. The stuff that will really shape what we talk about and how. This is a listing of all the things we hold near and dear to our hearts, followed by the things that make us wake up at 3 AM in a cold sweat to throw up.
Is this Heaven? No, it’s Iowa (what we love)…
4. All things Iowa Hawkeye – Football, Basketball (yes, even this year), right on down to drunk freshmen in the ped mall
5. Most things Chicago (we’ll get back to this a little later…) – Da Bulls, Da Bears, Da SOX, Da Sauasage, Da Ditka.
6. Some things St. Louis – the Cardinals, the Rams (what have you done for me lately?)
7. Peyton Manning – like John Madden man-crush on Brett Favre love
8. Top Gun – I got a need, a need for speed.
9. Christmas Vacation – like the Chevy Chase kind
10. All things Will Ferrell, Seth Rogen, Steve Carell and Paul Rudd
11. Ok, just about any good movie – Does stuff blow up? Is it classic sports? Do my (face) cheeks hurt?
12. Fantasy Sports
13. Gambling – though not successfully (and we do no promote it)
14. Some ESPN personalities – Bill Simmons, Matthew Berry, Nate Ravitz, Kenny Mayne, Scott Van Pelt, etc.
15. Beer (please drink responsibly)
Mommy, I think I’m gonna be sick (what we hate)…
16. Iowa State – yeah, you could have guessed
17. The Chicago Cubs – is there anything worse than several hundred obnoxious Chicago frat boys crying about this being the year?
18. Kobe vs. Lebron
19. Tim Tebow – the reason Lou Holtz sounds so funny is, in fact, because when he’s not on camera he has Tebow’s manchise is his mouth.
20. The SEC – Tebow plays there, not to mention the poor officiating, incredible bias by the media, and the fact that it’s the deep south in general (sorry ya’ll, but you got the SEC, NASCAR and Cracker Barrel)
21. Work/homework – we’re here aren’t we?
22. Chase Utley’s hair
23. Ivan Maisel – see Tebow and SEC references above
24. The New York Yankees
25. The “Wildcat” Formation
Now, this is not to say that we won’t stray from these views/opinions, but they will likely impact the content of this site. As time draws on, we may develop other, even more upsetting biases that will shape our discussions. If you don’t like or agree with our views, again, we don’t care. Thanks for dropping by, we'd love to have you back sometime. If you disagree that strongly, drop us a line . Hell, get all Ochocinco on us and tweet about it. We’d love to hear your thoughts as well (reference #1 above).
As this, our first post, draws to an end, I get a little teary-eyed and have a knot in my stomach. It is no longer Christmas Eve, but Christmas Day. The anticipation is over, the seal has been broken. It is Christmas morning and it’s time for some presents (well, at least some crappy opinions to get all riled up over). Thanks for stopping by, we hope you enjoy a little bit of it (who am I kidding, we don’t really care). Come back soon, and don't forget to tell your friends.
I have committed a terrible, almost unforgivable foul against a human being. A human being that Don Imus would refer to as a "Nappy Headed Hoe". A human being that sucked air while riding the pine during the 2007 national championship game. A human being that I ripped apart in a Facebook group, and even used Stephen A. Smith as a reference in doing so. A human being that was drafted “to score” for a team that lacked low post scoring. A human being that throws a slider at the rim beyond five feet.
This human being is Joakim Noah and this is my Official Apology.
Dear Joakim Noah,
Its been a rough relationship between you and I. After watching you get beat up by Greg Oden in the national championship game in 2007, I wondered where the hype came from. I wondered why you were celebrating so much after playing only 21 minutes, with 8 points, 3 rebounds, and 4 personal fouls. You acted like a man possessed while the confetti fell on you and your teammates. You jumped on tables while performing the gator chomp and did interviews while screaming “how ‘bout them GATOR BOYZ”. You were brutally annoying and supercilious.
Then the 2007 draft rolled around, and my beloved Chicago Bulls had the 9th selection. Going into the draft, Bulls fans knew that we needed post scoring. We hadn’t seen a dominating post scorer since Horace Grant. “And with the ninth pick, the Chicago Bulls select Joakim Noah”. OH NO! I couldn’t help it. I fell victim to the “what have you done for me lately” epidemic. I wanted Thaddeus Young, Al Thornton, Jared Dudley, anyone that scored in the post. Hell I would have taken Glen “Big Baby” Davis (at the time, nobody knew he would have had the career he’s had). I was in shock that we drafted not only you, but Aaron Gray, and JamesOn Curry. Another draft lost in translation.
Your first season was dismal (not sure what to blame: your lack of hustle or Scott Skiles). You averaged 6 points and 5 rebounds, not the best statistics for a guy that was supposed to be a low scoring threat right away. After going 33 and 49 and finishing 26 games out of first place, I couldn’t help but blame you. You didn’t take the NBA seriously, nor your job, and that was the most disappointing. Where was that guy running around like a maniac in college? Where was the passion to play the game and play it right?
The 2008-2009 season started off similar. I was questioning your playing time and if you were becoming a cancer for our young star in Derrick Rose. Then something magical happened, Paxson traded away some big contracts for former All Star Brad Miller and John Salmons. Suddenly you started playing like a man possessed again. You had a fire, a swag, a damn attitude; one that demanded respect from fans and players alike.
The Bulls clinched the seventh seed in the playoffs, having to play the Celtics. You and your teammates made the Bulls relevant again. You fought, and screamed, and chest bumped your way through seven overtimes in seven games. As if that wasn't enough, you wanted to add a little more to the best first round playoff series ever. With 40 seconds left in the third overtime of game 6, and the score tied at 123, you somehow stole the ball from Paul Pierce. That was enough in itself, but no Joakim you wanted more; you wanted to clinch this game yourself. You proceeded to dribble while in full stride, and delievered one of the greatest dunks I have ever seen. You posterized Paul Pierce and sent the overly annoying Kevin Garnett running to the locker room for the 700th time. I had never been more happy to see that nest on your head bounce up and down while you slapped the hand of every non basketball fan that didn't know what just happened because they were staring at their blackberries the whole game. You gave me hope Joakim. Hope that one day I can say I was wrong about you. That you are not a "nappy headed hoe", nor a “bench grabbing, air guzzler”.
Well that one day is now. You are leading the league in rebounding with 12.4 a game, and are scoring at will (at least under your standards) with 12.1 points per game. You have 10 double digit rebounding efforts in 11 games, and even did so against a Lakers team that saw the return of Pau Gasol. Averaging a double/double seemed out of reach, in fact just two seasons ago it seemed damn near impossible. You are playing like a jacked up, super steroid version of Bill Cartwright, and with this progression hopefully you can soon be a better scoring Dennis Rodman: a defensive machine with crazy hair, hustling for lose balls as if they were Cheetos after a late night in "The Swamp".
You are truly the Bulls future center, and I wouldn’t have anybody else. I am giddy about you, I adore that people despise you, but would love to have you. You are electric, stunning, diverse, and at times arrogant to a T. But I came to realize, I love that about you.
So to you Joakim, my sincere apologies for every bad-mannered and appalling thing I have ever said or written about you. I wasn’t entirely at fault, but I will take the blunt of the blame. You are a different man now, more mature and zealous. And because of that I can say, Joakim Noah I’m sorry!
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