Patrick Ewing Head Coach?

(Picture from http://www.images.sportsnetwork.com/)

Oh good ol’ Patrick Ewing is making news today, and it is pretty big news. The Magic assistant has decided that he wants to move on to bigger and better endeavors. Ewing has reportedly hired agent Lonnie Cooper (who represents a lot of coaches in the NBA) to help open the door for Ewing to become a head coach. Ewing knows a lot of people in the league, and it could be very possible that he lands a job because of the relationships he has with GMs, coaches, and players. But we are talking about a guy that is notorious for not being able to perform in big games, and well, choking. I just don’t see him as an NBA head coach, but since this is a possibility I thought it would be fun to hire the rest of his staff for the team I think Ewing would coach, the Detroit Pistons (of course this is all make believe).


General Manager-Isiah Thomas

Coming back for his second stint as a GM, Isiah Thomas relishes this opportunity. He starts by trading Tayshaun Prince and Ben Gordon to the Celtics for Kevin Garnett’s one knee, Brian Scalabrine, and Shelden Williams. He then sends his first round draft pick to the Clippers for Marcus Camby. His first draft pick, Cole Aldrich in the second round.

Assistant Coaches- Chris Weber, Vinny Del Negro, and Stephon Marbury.

Starbury gets sick of Chinese food and the vast amount of sodium in it because it gives him a sore throat, causing him to eat Vaseline for breakfast, lunch and dinner which affects his jump shot. Thinking about retiring, he gets a call from Ewing’s agent asking if he would like to become the teams shooting coach. Vinny, who just got fired from by the Chicago Bulls, gets a call from Ewing (after realizing that he needs an assistant coach with some in-game experience). Chris Weber is in charge of keeping track of how many time outs Ewing has left.

Director of Player Development- Ricky Davis and Mike Dunleavy

After hearing about how Dunleavy stepped down as coach Ewing admires his passion for making the right decision when its called for. Ewing calls him up and eventually talks him into stepping down as the Clippers GM (and Clippers fans rejoice) to come to Detroit to be the Director of Player Development. The only deal, he has to bring Ricky Davis with him to translate messages to Shelden Williams, Kwame Brown, Rodney Stuckey, Ben Wallace and Starbury.

Advanced Scout- Calvin Sampson

Ewing thinks ahead of the curve and realizes that Sampson doesn’t have to worry about NCAA sanctions in the NBA. So he hires him and sends him across the country, only to later promote him to Advanced Scout/Director of College Scouting/Scout/Director of International Scouting. David Stern hears of some promises being made to players by Samspon and fines him $25,000 dollars. Sampson flees the country leaving Isiah Thomas to pick based on what he see’s for next years draft.

Head Athletic Trainer- Greg Oden

Oden, who was still waiting for his sophomore season to begin, has to retire because of mass injuries. What the world didn’t know was that during all of his time off, he went back to Ohio State and got his degree in sports medicine, landing him this job under Ewing.

Strength and Conditioning Coach- Shawn Bradley

Bradley, who was known for his amazing strength and stopping ability in the lane as an NBA player, has been waiting for this opportunity his whole life. He calls Ewing, who forgot to change his home phone number after the two worked together in Space Jam.