Bobby "Janks"

(Picture courtesy of http://www.nimg.sulekha.com/)

In grade school and part of middle school my friends and I used to play a little game. When one of us did something so inexplicably stupid, we would call them a "jank". It soon took on other forms such as Jank Bank and Jank-tastic.

If you go to urbandictionary.com and type in the word "jank" you will get a few definitions such as:

"A thing that is worthless or useless; shit"

"Negative. Crappy, shitty, stupid, etc"

"the universal term for everything. it can be placed into anything, as long as it is funny, or whenever you feel it is appropriate. Also, can be used [as a replacement name] for someone by the name of Justin" (I might go in and change this to include Bobby Jenks at a later date).

After looking up the true definition (and yes urban dictionary is going to be used as a creditable source), I realized how the word "jank" resembles a particular closer in the city of Chicago. A guy that has 151 career saves. A guy that has a World Series ring (just wanted to make sure everyone realized who we were talking about".  A guy whose last name could easily be pronounced "Janks".

Of course I'm talking about Bobby "Jank" Jenks.

Last night Bobby Jenks blew a save opportunity against the Toronto Blue Jays. He went into the game with a 7-5 lead and the chance to even out the season series. Instead he gave up a double to his first batter faced, then a single, then a three-run home run to the skinny, almost Ethiopian Fred Lewis on Chicago's way to its 19th loss of the season.

Now Jenks has not been the most desirable closer these days. Actually getting a save for him seems harder than brain surgery at his point. His off speed pitches are "JANK", his fast ball is "JANK" and his location is "JANKTASTIC".

On Sunday though, it seemed to be his location that was the main problem for his first blown save in seven opportunities. He said,

"My fastball was there. I was just off the mark today. To let this one get away, it's a little more painful than other days."

Yeah no sh** Bobby. Your ERA is now at a career high 6.75, as is your WHIP at 2.17. Now I'm not going to shun you to much because you will go down as one of the best closers in Chicago White Sox history, but gravity seems to have done a toll on you. You fell of the cliff faster than Lindsay Lohan these days.

Forgive me for comparing you to the 2005 Bobby Jenks, but that was when you came in, threw the 99 mph fastball, got out of any situation, and made every pudgy, chubby, tub of lard kid believe that he can still pitch a baseball. You were more than the Bobby "Janks" you are now, you were Bobby "Don't fuck with me" Jenks.

You epitomized White Sox baseball. You were rugged, mean, dirty, sweaty, and blue collared.

Now the only thing dirty and rugged about you is your hideous blonde chin strap that needs to be cut immediately. Maybe you need to throw some extra pinches of Red Man in your mouth before you get on the field. Maybe you need to stop worrying about your physical health. Maybe you need to start drinking in the Bullpen with J.J. Putz (he just looks like a severe alcoholic). I don't care. Just get your grittiness back. Get your "Jenk" back.

Your walking a fine line right now. Your not passing the eye test anymore Bobby, and that hurts me to even say. Soon you'll be another middle of the road closer looking for a job. Then we'll trade you away to Toronto and you'll suddenly get your "Jenk" back (sorry Cub fans).

-Jerry Scherwin Jr.